Local death medal singer, Limon Green, who has fronted the Satanic band Unawear for the last several months, has given up on his childhood faith as soon as he tasted the sweet temptation of success. “It’s sad, but not all that strange,” said drummer/lighting technician Howie “Howie” Moncoloia, “We see it all the time in this business. A guy rockets to fame and, as soon as it happens, the lure of forbidden fruit lures him away from his childhood faith. I know we can find someone else to front us, but I just can’t imagine anyone else ever belting out ‘(I’m Gonna) Run Over You with My Cabriolet’ with the same passionate hate Limon always effused.” No attempts were made to contact Mister Green but several comments came in from his publicist (who we think is also his sister) inviting all reporters to “taste and see that the Lord is good”.
RBA = Rejected Babylon Bee Article
Artimas Dwight, who is said to be a “deacon in good standing” with the local Harper Street Baptist Church can quote the entirety of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” from memory. Not only does he know all the lyrics, he can also specify which episodes of “Gunsmoke” and “Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.” the background sounds come from.
Mister Dwight, however, claims he has never memorized any Scripture beyond Genesis 1:1 because, “My mind just doesn’t work that way.”
RBA = Rejected Babylon Bee Article
Mary & Ferd’s Christian Store, one of the longest-serving businesses in town, has lately been trying its hand at offering outdoor equipment. With the success of their lines like “Apostle Paul’s Corinthian Tents” and “St. Pete’s Fishing Gear”, they are now adding items for Christian hunting enthusiasts. Continue reading RBA – Local Christian Book Store Gets into the Outdoor Market By Offering Lot’s Wife Shaped Salt Licks
CNSnews is reporting that medical missionaries from the cesspool of Venezuela are making a mission trip to war-torn Detroit. Continue reading RBA – Medical Missionaries From Venezuela Serving in Detroit
When it was first announced that George Noory was taking a sabbatical from his popular radio program “Coast to Coast” many listeners wondered who could possibly fill his shoes and lend the sympathetic ear that the millions of insomniacs have come to rely on in their midnight travails. Continue reading RBA – John MacArthur to Guest Host ‘Coast to Coast’ While George Noory is on Sabbatical
The newest edition of “The Illustrated Bible” from Zondervan Publishing features a picture of popular talk show host, media mega-star, and current national guru Oprah Winfrey next to 2 Timothy 3:5-6. Continue reading RBA – Newest Illustrated Bible from Zondervan Has a Picture of Oprah Next to 2 Timothy 3:5-6
Abilene Christian University, flagship secondary education institution of the non-instrumental Churches of Christ, has made the following inspirational announcement concerning their historic and award-winning five hundred piece band:
“The Wildcats of ACU have always been and always shall be very proud of our band and its accomplishment. While never as well-known, respected or entertaining as the Cowboy Band from our cross-town rival Hardin-Simmons University, we have prided ourselves on always making a joyful noise—but never to the Lord, for that would be blasphemous.
Continue reading RBA – Non-Instrumental Church of Christ School Announces Changes to Band Program
A local Catholic priest, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, said that half of all confessions anymore were just from people who found themselves watching “Game of Thrones”.
Continue reading RBA – Local Catholic Priest Says Half of All Confessions These Days involve “Game of Thrones”
Rogue videographer James O’Keefe is hinting that his next world-changing video will provide indisputable proof that beloved songster Bill Gaither not only enjoys playing heavy metal Christian vinyl on the boss Realistic stereo system he has set up in his basement, he admits to frequently jamming along on a vintage key-tar.
Continue reading RBA – New Undercover Video Purports to Show Bill Gaither Listens to Stryper
Hundreds of Calvinists from across the Lone Star State who gathered in San Antonio this weekend to learn how to do evangelism were challenged by the theme, “Don’t Bother”.
Continue reading RBA – Theme for This Year’s Calvinist Evangelism Conference: “Don’t Bother”